Going Along and Getting Along
Why is there so much anger, division, and rancor in the world today? Historians, psychologists, and sociologists will likely write about this for many decades. There will, no doubt, be Ph.D. dissertations written about the agitated 2020’s. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could get along despite our differences? I’m not talking about simply going along but actually getting along.
I took the above zebra photo on a recent trip to Kruger National Park in South Africa. A zebra's natural color is black, and the white stripes are from a lack of pigmentation. The stripes go in different directions with different widths and lengths. This pattern plays an important function, offering camouflage, a natural repellant to certain insects, as well body temperature regulation. The zebra would not be a zebra without those vital stripes…nor would they survive very long on the African savanna. The stripes go with the zebra and help it along the way. They go along and get along.
Maybe we could learn a thing or two about not just going along for the ride but doing some important work along the way. Work that is appreciated. Work that is valued. Work that is work, but so much more. Listed below are practical ways to go along and get along with others.
Twenty ways to go along and get along:
Practice Active Listening: Truly listen without preparing your response. Seek to understand before being understood. This is not easy. I once tried active listening, but I got distracted halfway through their sentence. I was busy crafting my own brilliant reply, only to realize I’d missed the point entirely. Active listening is usually far more difficult for some people than actually talking.
Find Common Ground: Look for shared goals, interests, and values—no matter how small. You just never know where common ground may be hiding. One time we couldn’t agree on anything—until we both agreed that pineapple on pizza is suspicious. Hey, it was a start. Even small points of agreement can open doors.
Be Curious, Not Critical: Ask questions to learn, not to judge. Curiosity builds bridges. During one particularly nonsensical meeting someone asked, “Why do you do it that way?” The reply: “To confuse you.” Mission accomplished.
Assume Good Intentions: Give others the benefit of the doubt—most people aren’t trying to be difficult. If someone calls you “unique” choose to believe it’s a compliment. Assume they mean well, unless they prove otherwise.
Respect Boundaries: Everyone has different comfort zones. Respect theirs, and they’ll be more likely to respect yours. Someone once asked a colleague for a hug, and the reply was, “Only if it’s metaphorical and from across the street.” Message received. Boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re signposts for healthy interactions.
Watch Your Tone and Body Language: How you say something matters just as much as what you say. Saying, “Congratulations, I’m happy for you,” with a monotone voice and aloof eyes comes across worse than saying nothing at all. People are tuned into your tone more intensely than they are waiting for your words.
Don’t Take Things Personally: Different doesn’t mean offensive. Step back before reacting defensively. Of course, sometimes it is personal. As one colleague said to another, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Then quietly added as she walked away, “Actually, it is you.” Keep your cool. It probably is you. If you’ve been married for any length of time, you already came to that conclusion anyway. LOL
Choose Empathy Over Ego: Put yourself in their shoes—even if you don’t agree with their views. Try walking a mile in their shoes…unless they’re Crocs. No bueno. Still, the effort can make a difference.
Avoid Stereotyping: Treat people as individuals, not representatives of a group. At an industry dinner, a proud vegetarian ordered shrimp. I asked why she was eating meat. She said, “It doesn’t have a face.” Apparently, faceless meat is acceptable to eat. Who knew? First lesson: Don’t assume. Second lesson: Hypocrite is not just a noun reserved for people of faith.
Stay Humble: Admit when you’re wrong or don’t know something. Have you ever confidently thrown out a “fact” during a meeting only to later Google it and—oops—find out you were wrong? Stay humble and keep learning. And don’t fact-check yourself until after your meetings. Solitude makes being completely wrong so much more bearable!
Find Humor in the Situation: Laughter breaks tension and reminds us of our shared humanity. Except when it comes to politics. Are the people on the other side of the political aisle or social issue even human? Probably not. So, use humor…and make fun of them. (Kidding…I think.)
Keep Conversations Balanced: Don’t dominate. Make space for others to speak. We once tried to tell a colleague he interrupted too much, but he cut us off mid-sentence to explain why that wasn’t true. Classic.
Don’t Try to “Fix” People: Accept the harmless nuances and quirks of people. Change, if it happens, is personal. This is especially good advice for those who are married. Trying to fix other people only causes grief. No wonder 50% of married people are unhappy in their marriage. Well, that was according to a poll I took this morning at my house. What’s her problem?
Focus on Relationship Over Being Right: Winning an argument isn’t worth losing a connection or a relationship. You might not win them to your side, but you might gain a friend. Prioritize people over pride.
Celebrate Differences: Appreciate how variety brings richness to life. This isn’t about celebrating mediocrity or stupidity—it’s about recognizing unexpected beauty and synergy. Serendipity often hides in what’s unfamiliar and dissimilar.
Speak Kindly and Clearly: Kindness can unwind the tension in a room. Clarity avoids confusion. Saying, “Whatever” with a shrug is not the same as, “I hear you, and I need time to think.” Words matter. So does tone. You probably have some room to improve in this area. Whatever.
Stay Open-Minded: New perspectives can deepen your understanding and help you to grow in areas that will prove to be productive and valuable. This doesn’t mean accepting bad habits and poor arguments—it means admitting you don’t know what you don’t know. Be willing to learn. Whatever.
Agree to Disagree (Gracefully): You don’t have to agree on everything to respect someone. My wife and I once agreed to disagree. She later disagreed with our agreement to disagree. At least that’s how I remember it.
Set Clear Expectations: Not every difference can be reconciled. One colleague expected a deep friendship; I expected him to stop texting after 11 p.m. Know what you need—and communicate it clearly.
Practice Patience: It takes time to build trust, and the deeper the divide the more time that will be required to develop confidence in others. Stay consistent and be gracious. I was going to write an example here, but I don’t have time for that, and you have read to this point so your patience is probably running out and wearing thin.
So, there you have it, twenty ways to go along and get along. And all that from a zebra photo.
You lost me at # 1. 😢